Well it's now mid December and knowing my months of the year, this tells me two things; 1. It's almost time for the fat bearded white guy to squeeze his way down the chimney and leave the children their most desired Christmas presents and 2. The year is coming to a swift close so I'd better have a quick reflect upon my actions and assess the current status of the task I set myself. This year, I would find happiness and dare I say it, I think I've found it. This is going to be a deep one guys...
Imagine redecorating a room or clearing out that ever bulging wardrobe, full of clothes you forgot you even had. You start the job with enthusiasm and rigor but before you know it, a bomb has gone off, you don't know your arse from your elbow and you mutter the defeatist words - 'I wish I'd never started.' But as the saying goes - Things have to get worse, to get better.
My butterfly brain has flitted from one thing to the next, searching for ways to clear out the excess baggage of negative emotions which I've been carrying around and adding to since a small child. I was what can only be described as an Emotional Hoarder. Memories of being scared, failing at school, having stage fright, suffering from nervous and mental breakdowns, embarrassing myself while in a drunken stupor - all of these things and many more self-destructive steel walls, I've kept hold of them, nurtured them and even sought solace in their familiarity. It has taken a year so far and there's much work to be done still, but I am without doubt, a happier, more positive and stronger person for starting the painstaking job of helping myself a.k.a Self Help. 'Why on earth would you want to share this? Aren't you embarrassed to be bearing your soul and basically telling the world you're a total nut job!?' I hear some say. In response to this I say, no I'm not embarrassed and I'm sharing it because not only has writing about my life's challenges made me feel better but it might help someone else.
Anyway, I'll draw this search to a close as it seems the mission is now complete but this is not goodbye. I mean come on. An attention seeking big mouth saying they'll not have anything else to say?? Never!
P.S I quit my job and we moved to the country! You won't believe what goes on here...TBC...