Monday, 24 February 2014

School Holidays. No Laughing Matter.

So here we are. It’s the first day back at school for our little Angels and it is apparent that many of us parents are extremely upset that it is over and if we could turn back the clock we would, because we’ve had a Carlsberg of a half term holiday. It’s been jam packed with an array of activities, everyone has laughed hysterically about just how amazing life is when we’re all together as a family and now we’re totally beside ourselves, genuinely at a loss about what exactly one is to do with all this, what is it called, time? This feeling of dread at what ‘normality’ has in store for us is just too much to bear and to make matters worse, our emotions were compounded as we gazed into our children’s eyes and saw them reflected right back at our red, blotchy from crying, faces! As we lift our fists to the skies and scream ‘Damn you cruel world! Why? WHHHHHY?!!!’, we then fall dramatically to the sodden ground of our north facing gardens in a helpless heap and sob uncontrollably, darkness ensues. We see no life and no happiness.

Oh sorry, did I say we? My bad. I was meant to say ‘THEY’ because I’m over the flipping moon! What to do, what to do, what to do...Quick, time is of the essence, get the kettle on. Run a bath. No, go and get your nails done! Call your bestie and finish that conversation about de-scaling the kettle that has spanned eight long, drawn out days. Make that call and book an appointment to see Psychic Selma who Louise at the school recommended after she correctly guessed Louise had a boyfriend, yes that’s the ticket! You need to hear from the horses mouth that your hormonal, grunting teenage daughter is actually going to be a doctor and that your three year old son’s obsession with hair does not necessarily mean that he, like Louise, will also have a boyfriend. Go on girl, you've got all the time in the world now, do whatever takes your fancy! LIVE!!!

This morning I had energy levels my body hasn't seen for what feels like a lifetime ago. I awoke before the alarm went off, in plenty of time to see a beautiful sunrise. I admired the budding leaves on the tree in the garden and even gave them words of encouragement like a psychopath but I don’t care. I flung open the front door and inhaled the fresh, Spring-time air deep into my lungs and it felt amazing to be ‘Me’ and to know I would be ‘Me’ not Mummy-Can-I-Have for a few golden hours Monday-Friday for the next couple of months! I knew that today was the day law and order would resume in the George Household and it filled me to the brim with joy. Bliss. Heaven.

I know this might sound cruel to some people but it’s the truth and I know that somewhere out there, there is another just like me and that makes me feel better. As much as I love my children, I HATE school holidays. The pressure of making sure your teenager gets dressed not even all, just MOST days without starting World War Three is sweat inducing. The keeping up with Jones’ of entertaining a pre-schooler without breaking the bank gives me palps just thinking about it. The constant refilling of the fridge, meaning endless trips to the supermarket with a child who screams like he’s being hurt if he doesn’t get to have the car trolley is too much I tell you, too much! I CAN’T TAKE ANY MORE OF THE MADNESS MAKE IT STOP. PLEASE, STOP THE RIDE, I WANT OFF!!!
No. It’s far better during term time.

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